Biggest Winner, almost over!

A particularly encouraging member of my Biggest Winner team suggested I update this thing, and I do know it's been a while. This whole mommy thing has completely taken over my life! Go figure ;)

So, we have just days to go until this 2-month contest is over. Our team is currently in 4th, based on everyone weighing themselves at home. I do have to admit, this process was much harder than I expected. I try and make time for myself, but it just doesn't happen some days. Most days, in fact.

Despite all that, I have managed to drop 10lbs, bringing me only 15 away from my pre-baby weight. Trevor and I are back on the Sonoma Diet (well, as much as we can afford!), and tomorrow I'll start a fruit flush again for that final push to the end. Weigh in is on Saturday!

Looking forward, I'd love to get a gym membership, now that the baby is close to one, I can leave her at most gym daycares. Trevor has a few prospects right now, to increase his salary immensely. Then we'd move into Napa, eat as healthy as we'd like, and I can work out again!

Yesterday I ran for the first time in a couple weeks - I felt better than expected, until I bent down to tie my shoe halfway through. My knees were warm, and my right one popped out again like a few months ago. Later it did it again, but it felt worse since my knees were colder. So today I'm a bit stiff, but I have my weights at home again, and it's back to the Biggest Loser DVD.

More to come, I'm sure. This is the same time of the year that I started losing weight in Florida... get it all off while bundled up in winter clothes, and surprise everyone once the sun comes back ;)

I love fruit flushing.

215.6 this morning :) 214 is my post-baby low. I'm really really really hoping I'll fall below that by tomorrow morning. It's one of those mental blocks, you know? 214 rounds down to 210, which is an extra large poop away from 200, which is 4lbs away from my pre-baby weight of 196.

I'm not feeling deprived yet, but frequently I'll make it through the morning on tea and coffee alone. So far today I've had an apple, 2c of grapes, and halfway through my mug of green tea (with splenda, duh.) I have a busy busy afternoon as well (getting my hair did to celebrate that 6k!) so perhaps I won't even notice. Then tomorrow is super busy as well, with last minute preparations before one of my best friends in the entire world FINALLY makes the trek to ol' C-A.

This is going to be a GREAT week. My birthday is tomorrow, Wednesday we're going to walk around SF all day playing tourist, Thursday is some hugemongo surprise (that includes baby spending the night at grandma's!!!) and Friday is my family dinner for my birthday. Fair warning, we'll be having beef stroganoff with egg noodles.

Looking forward to it all!

Yep, I'm deluded.

218.8

So, you hear about all those girls who think they're fatter than they are, right? Yeah. I'm the opposite. I think I'm MUCH smaller than I actually am! I just looked at pictures from the Rock and Stroll, and its like "whoa, hello there big girl."

Oh, the Rock and Stroll. Went SUPER well, we finished the 6k in about 40min. Sarah and I ran/walked together the whole time, and I felt pretty great afterwards. Tired, sure, but not puking dying. We probably would have run more, but there was a long stretch of gravel that was giving the stroller babies shaken-baby syndrome. Well, at least they slept. We ran most of it, maybe only walked about 3/4 of a mile.

So these pictures... we were having fun, I thought I looked like a super cute young mama. I was excited and happy and motivated. Now, I'm just depressed, understanding my denial...but still motivated!



This totally embarrasses her, but the size Sarah is right now is like my ideal size...the way I was when I came back from tour. So these pictures...it's like a side-by-side before and after. The good news is I'm so fat that 3.7mi burned 541 calories! Yay...

Ugh. Anyway. I'm Jay Robb Fruit Flushing today, tomorrow and most of Tuesday. It was easy today, which is 6ox protein shakes every 2 hours, and a big-ass salad w/ chicken for dinner. It's hotter than Hades, and I've been cleaning house all day. Haven't wanted to eat! Trevor tested my will-power when he had me make him bacon for his BLT, and brought home Oreos from the store. I will not cave, I will not cave.

Oh well. At least I have a beautiful, supportive family unit. <3

Biggest Winner, Getting Slimmer!

Today is my LAST day of Bootcamp, and while my attendance has been spotty, I've loved it as much as I did that first day! I would love to continue, but the additional drive into Napa 3 days a week was eating up too much of my time and money.

The Rock and Stroll is tomorrow! I didn't finish my Couch to 5k training either, because I was doing bootcamp. (Sensing a theme here?)So, I'm going to jog as much as I can...my mom, and my best friend Sarah are both doing it with me (along with LOTS of other people, including fellow bootcampers). I always run more with competition, doesn't everyone?

Anyway, I'm resurrecting this blog today because I've joined a 2-mo weight-loss challenge. It's through Adventure Bootcamp, and we're all in teams of 5. The prize money is certainly a HUGE motivator...$2500 to the winning team! And we all know how mama is always broke. That, and a combination of co-worker, friend, and perfect strangers is enough to keep me accountable.

So, back to food journaling! I'm not on a specific "plan" right now, except to be less fat. Hah.

Today (thus far)
7:00 3/4c non-fat cottage cheese
1/2c chunk pinapple
1c coffee w/ 1 Splenda and teaspoon heavy cream
9:30 1c black tea w/ 1 Splenda
12:00 4 mini Roma tomatoes (that Elizabeth brought to work!)

Bootcamp: Day One

Nope, I didn't run off and join the army in a desperate attempt to lose weight (besides, new recruits are doing "girly" PT like yoga because our fighting youth are overweight). No, this week I started my month-long adventure with Adventure Bootcamp. And it's definitely an adventure in pain! Monday was Day One, with an evil deck of cards. Every suit stood for something, and every Royal did as well. Jokers mean the next 4 cards are 60sec each. After a thorough deep-tissue massage with our foam rollers, we laid into the deck, completing all 52 cards in an hour. Jacks were shuttle runs, Aces alternating toe touches. The fun also included pushups, jumping jacks, bent-over rows, bicycle crunches, dead-lifts with curl, and side-shuffles; all in 30sec increments. I did better than expected: in the top 4 during the sprints, more pushups than I've done since Finals Week 08, and handling my 8lb weights like they were my 3-pounders at home. But, I was definitely sweating, and while stretching my shoulder during cool-down, I was second away from puking. Good! I didn't wake up sore this morning, but it has slowly crept up on me all day. Now, at 11:30, it took me a good minute to crawl into my waist-high bed. I made tea, but it's just out of my reach on the nightstand, and I just don't have the strength! Today we weighed in, took measurements and set goals. It's a little frightening to see just how wide my ass is, but it's more frightening to consider how soon I'd become "double-wide" if I continued on this way. I'll be at Bootcamp three days a week, with the 5k training in my off days. I have a high goal of 19lbs to lose by the end of the month, and a cash prize if I do it better than anyone else. (and let's be honest... Mama could use a cash prize.) No excuses, no whining, no mercy.

You-turning

Our cable bill is taking a back seat to other more important bills, so I've been finding other things to do with my time. (you know, besides working, cleaning, and being a mommy!) So, frustrated with seeing my doughy tummy in the mirror (which, by the way, I was never able to picture until now) I picked up You On A Diet for the first time since this blog was begun, almost 4 years ago now. Lo and behold, the jacket was still holding my page where I left off, a chapter metaphorizing a u-turn. Or in their case, a You-turn. (get it?) Basically, pretend your weightless journey is a road trip with a GPS system. Generally, you know where you're headed, and there's a nice computerized voice telling you each turn to make. Occasionally, despite all best intentions, you may misinterpret instructions and make a wrong turn. The GPS doesn't yell at you, just suggests that at the next available moment, turn around and get back on track. This is an easy thing to do day to day... "ok, so I ate a donut earlier, going to eat extra broccoli at dinner." However it's a little harder when you've gone off track for a year or more. The last few posts have been lamenting this same pothole I'm in, but that's just life. However, this post isn't a "I'm gonna do it! post, it's more of a "I've already been doing it." the last two weeks I've worked out every other day in some sort of way. No excuses.

LOST: happy, confident girl.

So, I kinda had this teeny tiny humongous breakdown last night. I seriously think I'm depressed, and my boyfriend misses me. This is all conglomerating into this huge disgusting teary mess that is SO not cute.

I get motivated for a week, an go go go, but then something happens and I'm back in this hole. This isn't just about losing weight, it's about rediscovering ME, a girl who is long long lost.

I'm sure this is all just part of the whole process of redefining who I am, as my role has changed significantly since having the baby. But I'm just so lethargic and unmotivated 70% of the time.

To my credit, I DID just hurt my knee pretty bad. My WedMD diagnosis was a torn or strained MCL, and this happened just as I was getting into the Couch to 5K thing. So the last few weeks I've been nursing that, but It's been a handy excuse for sure. There's so many tips to get motivated and get moving, but no matter what I read or am told, there's still the initial gumption that I'm missing.

But last night was bad. We've recently found some pictures of me from 3 years ago, when I was happy and nothing could touch me.While I'm smaller in the pictures, it doesn't even really matter, its just the confidence in them that he's attracted to, a stark contrast to all the negativity surrounding me now.

I want THAT girl back, but somehow she has to fit into my current life. I used to go wake up, go to school, go to the gym, go to work, and be done with my day by 5. Now I'm up half the night, awake at 6:30, with the baby until 7:30, work until 2, then with the baby the rest of the day. On top of all the cleaning and day-to-day things. Throw in family responsibilities, and I'm lost somewhere.

oh, knee problems, of course.

Thanks, knee. I get it. I'm fat and gained far too much weight in a short amount of time for you to handle it. Add in the recent cardio and higher impact late night workouts, and I'm sure you're just over it. But did you have to remind me so painfully?

Yesterday, while doing something SO mundane as squatting while rolling up the hose, my knee snap-crackle-popped when I stood up. Nothing completely new to these overworked joints of mine, but this time was different. I felt some serious shifting in my knee, and EXTREME pain, so much that I yelled out and started crying in my front yard. I hobbled inside, and put some ice on it. The pain was not sharp anymore, but an unstable soreness in the back/outside of my knee.

A few hours later, after some killer spaghetti and a walk around the grocery store, I was again squatting to put away groceries. And, again with the snap-crackle-pop pain scenario.

Today it's been sore ALL day, and not feeling very secure at all. After a google search of "common knee injuries" I came away confused and queasy. No idea what might have happened, but pukey at the idea of torn meniscuses.

This whole knee thing is a serious wake up call. in the past ten years my grandma has had both her knees replaced, a result of arthritis, body weight, and inactivity. My body is built very similar to hers, but I refuse to have it fall apart in the same way. While drum corps kept me active, it also beat my body up... where's the tin man with his can of oil?

Today's calories: 1548
Today's weight: 217.8

Disgusting.

Yesterday I ate a Teriyaki Burger from Carl's Jr.

Don't get me wrong...I might be a fat kid, but I hardly EVER eat a fast food burger. The last time I did was during my third trimest, my mom unwillingly bought me an animal-style cheese burger from In n' Out. She harrassed me about it, and I haven't been able to look at one since.

But Friday coming home from work, I called Trevor to ask him what he wants for lunch (a daily routine) and somehow I ended up justifying a disgusting cheeseburger as "healthy" because it had a pineapple slice on it.

I opened up the wrapped once I got home, and was disgusted. But I ate it anyway. Bleh. Where has my mind gone? That cheeseburger + medium fries combo cost me 1070 calories, on a 2000 calorie day. I KNOW that shit isn't healthy, and I normally opt for a chicken option... but after tracking the last two days of eating, I clearly have a problem.

I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a fat squishy place. I don't want to eat less, as I'm still holding onto my last days of nursing. I've given up nursing part time, and have formula supplementing while I'm at work, but I'm not ready to completely give up boobie feedings, and neither is Laney. But anytime I cut down my calories and workout a lot, my milk flow decreases drastically, and we're both cranky. But, I know the baby can't be my enabler, allowing me to sit in this oversized body any longer.

I took a first step in returning to my previous self (both mentally and physically): I took my glasses off. I've worn them nonstop since I first became pregnant, over a year ago. Once contacts became the norm, I used to only wear my glasses when I was sick or depressed, as a shield to protect me from the world. Glasses, darker hair, and fat...I mean I've regressed to those coping mechanisms from high school full time, instead of just on a bad day.

I've also signed up for DailyBurn, a diet and exercise tracker similar to those I've used in the past. The best part is that I can easily maneuver through the program on my iPhone, so no meals or snacks or cheats will ever be missed.

I also started Couch to 5K two weeks ago, and have done the same number of runs. I enjoy the 20min jaunts, and Delaney rides along in the stroller. I have a goal of 6K by Sept 25th, in time for Napa Rock and Stroll, a fun-run benefiting COPE and abused kids.

I spend FAR too much time sitting on my ass in the afternoons, using the baby to justify my laziness. I don't want her to see a therapist when she's older, lamenting her mother eating and watching TV all day long. I have far too much to get done that is just forgotten about by the end of the night...I can't control everything, but I can control myself. I HAVE controlled myself. It's time to do it again.

Yesterday weight: 222
Yesterday calorie total: 1928

Today weight: 219.2
Total calorie total: 1565

New figure, go figure

So today I didn't wear my full body Spanx for the first time in about a month, and have had two people say I look slimmer and healthier. Go figure!

Stay tuned for a summer of health :)

Back in the game

How do new moms do this? Seriously. I was reading a craft blog thing, where the lady JUST had a baby, showing off her 8-day postpartum belly, and it seriously looked like she could go do a bikini photo shoot.

Shoot ME, while she's at it.

I mean, to each their own, but girlfriend said she still had 30lbs to lose. I have 30lbs to lose, and I'm still 30lbs overweight. Oh, and stretch marks? Yeah, I'll never be doing a bikini photo shoot really.

Bah. I got a perfectly mellow and happy baby out of my ordeal, so I still win.

I made a decision to eat less a few days ago, and since have dropped 3lbs. I occasionally have late night dates with Jillian Michaels OnDemand, and this weekend is chock full of yard work. (well, as chock full as it can be with a sicky baby). Let me tell you, yanking out 5ft tall weeds is a full body workout. And I've got a nice little summer glow started at the same time. Nothing like being physical and sweating under some hot sun!

We're headed to Florida over July 4th weekend, which means I have 5wks to lose 15lbs, and get back under 200. It can be done!

Gettin' my jog on.

My Mother's Day present from my mom was a fancy jogging stroller, something I've been dying for.

Now, after my first run in over a year, I am dying from it.

Wow. Despite losing over half the baby weight, I'm still 50lbs over my "prime", and ridiculously out of shape. We went out at about 7:50, came back by 8:15, were chased by a loose pit, yelled at by ghetto boys ("run fatty run" was their choice phrase), ran about half the time we were out, and I was dripping in sweat.

BUT I feel great. The air was cool and breezy, baby didn't cry, and I took the first steps... even if I was gasping for air while doing it.

Yeah, how about that.

Well, I INTENDED on posting a new picture every day, but the rain knocked out my internet, my Minnesota family is in town, and Trevor ended up in the ER from food poisoning. (I'm convinced he felt so guilty for eating amazing food at Bottega the other night, he faked food poisoning to lose a quick 10lbs) Fun week, hmm?

Actually, Bottega WAS a blast. My uncle is a bartender/server there, and reserved a table for the 12 of us. When we got there, we ended up at the Chef's Table, with comped appetizers (Himachi and English peas on a slab of natural salt, savory donuts with proscuitto and mango, and bruschetta with fresh mozzarella and artichoke hearts), 3 rounds of wine (presecco, white and red), minestrone soup, a whole Dungeness crab with spicy bruscetta, finished with coffee and chocolate souffle with hazelnut glaze to share.


Anyway, here's my latest picture. Good news! only 19lbs to go until I'm at pre-baby weight. Once the cousins go home, it's back on the 10 day Wave 1.

Mirrors lie, take a picture!

But what if I use a mirror to take a picture, Cher? Either way, I'm taking a fashion tip from Clueless, and taking a picture of myself each day for a while. First of all, I look super cute getting ready for my new job. Second, the mirror (and camera) don't lie, and it will help keep me honest.

Today's:

That's "the rub".

As of today, I've officially passed the "seven day" mark at my new job, and even got my first paycheck. The difference between this and my previous position is a complete 180: dream hours, understanding employer, and confidence renewed.

The last is really a result of the previous two. I was hired in a position they WEREN'T hiring for, in an industry I've only known for a year and a half, without any recommendation from my previous employer (um, kinda "duh" on that one.) I got the job on my own, because I know what I'm talking about (and WHO I'm talking about)....something I had started to doubt in the last 6 months before maternity leave. I didn't feel appreciated, or respected. When you spend more awake time at a workplace than home, those things start to weigh on you and mess with your head.

But now, after incredible success with Pilates Napa Valley and the Sonoma Diet, and this new position, my faith in myself as a woman and participating member of society has flourished. I feel like ME again, albeit a bit larger, and definitely more "mommy" me than I was two years ago. I'm happy with who I see in the mirror, the progress I've made physically, and my ability to quickly turn a terrible situation into a great one.

The subject line mentioned "the rub" and here it is: Since going back to work this past week, baby D has had FAR more formula than she's used to... typically 3 bottles (or 12oz) in the morning, then the rest of her day on breast milk. This is messing with her tummy, and by the end of the night, she's cranky and crampy and crying in the most pathetic way possible. So even though I'm this SuperWoman by day, in the evenings I'm a stress-ball. I know going to work is good for me (and her, and Trevor, and our bank accounts) it's just so hard to see her suffer, and know if I was home, she wouldn't be AS gassy. She eats every two hours, so I'm just not able to pump that extra 12oz she needs.

This is a weight-loss blog, so here's the connection: I haven't done much in the sense of health this past week or so, and I forgive myself for it. As you can see, it's been a bit chaotic. But, that doesn't make my body feel any better. I have NO time or energy to make it up to the studio, I've gained 2lbs back, and am DEFINITELY not following Sonoma right now. With disability ending, I don't have the cash, and with work starting, I don't have the time to cook our meals like I was. Man, good thing I don't have a SERIOUS addiction, because I'm the queen of excuses.

That's fine. You On A Diet has this great anecdote comparing a weight-loss journey to a car drive with GPS... when you mess up, the nice lady tells you calmly, but firmly "take the next available U-turn". There's no chastising, no guilt, just a plain and simple message to fix it, and move on. I'm resolved to make that U-turn, but how? How do other new/working moms find the time to run the household, feed the baby, manage a career AND stay in shape?

New Found Body Awareness

You know, I beat myself up about one day of craptacular eating, but I'm ignoring the big picture:

I look pretty damn good.

Really. For the better part of the last year, I watched everything on my grow. Boobs, belly, arms, butt. Everything ballooned (as is normal and natural in a pregnancy.) Combine that with my thankless job, and my self esteem absolutely plummeted. Questioning my attractiveness, my intelligence, my life choices.

But this past month has been amazing to getting me back where I should be. While my body weight is still a good 50lbs heavier than my end-of-year goal, the SHAPE of it is getting back to normal. I mean, I did drum corps for 5 years, but my legs have never looked better. Throw on some heels, and fake tanner, and these short legs look like they should be insured.

Okay, maybe not that good, but definitely the best I've ever seen them.

I truly mean it when I say it's the pilates that's doing this to me. I haven't been doing any cardio, or other muscle building...changing the diet would make me smaller, but not change the shape of things. My lower tummy is getting flatter, the muffin top is shrinking, and the back fat is almost gone. And like I said, I still have 50lbs to go!

Now I have a new job in sales, which reassured my confidence in my field. I have to be out and about selling printing, so personal appearance is priority, versus the super casual dress code of my previous position.

Tomorrow is my first day, and I have so many outfits that look fabulous, I don't know what to chose! The blue LC Lauren Conrad dress with pockets and pleats($12)? The purple and grey Elle flower empire waist dress with ruffles? The green BCBG dress with embroidery? Perhaps some grey slacks with a flowy top and my cropped biker jacket? Oh, the options are endless.

I NEED to add in cardio...I'm thinking about sucking it up, putting the dog on a leash, strapping a can of mace to my waist, and go running in the morning. It's just soooo dark out at 6:30am right now, and I don't live in the best of neighborhoods. But, the gangsters are in bed by dawn, right?

Who needs a solid milk-chocolate egg, anyway?

Ew. I ate FAR too much yesterday, as I always do at the in-law's for holidays. We stopped at SBUX on the way in, and split a breakfast sandwich, hoping that would curb my appetite....but no. Arrived to the usual spread of stuffed mushrooms, chicken-artichoke dip, and shrimp cocktail. Grazed, then ate dinner of ham, new potatoes, brussel sprouts and mashed turnip. Then strawberry-rhubarb crumble.

Oh, did I mention I made seven dozen oatmeal-chocolate cookies each the night before? Yeah...

How am I doing?

I woke up this morning feeling TERRIBLE. Dehydrated with heartburn worse than pregnancy, and my stretchy pants were suffocating me. But, it being the baby's first Easter (and my boyfriend's birthday) we were overloaded with candy. After a quick sort through the bounty, we threw most of it away:



Buh bye. We only kept a few pieces of Scottish candy that we only get once a year, and started eating fresh again this morning with Panera salads for brunch. I'm now sipping black coffee to kill the sugar racing through my blood stream, and am considering my diet for the next week or so. I'm thinking about going back on Wave 1 of the Sonoma Diet to get everything back on track. Who's with me?


crossposted on Pilates Napa Valley

Forgiving myself, in time for Easter.

So, I lost a bunch of weight, and Trevor won the Biggest Loser*** contest at work. He didn't take home $100K from Jello, but he grabbed $245 in winnings. Not too shabby!

However, since then I've kinda slipped. Just a tiny bit. KFC grilled chicken on Thursday for lunch, two macaron cookies from Bouchon Bakery on Thursday night, Panda Express for lunch yesterday (even tho I got the smaller "eat in" plate, and substituted veggies for chow mein), and then too much pasta last night for dinner. See? If I'm not careful, boom, right into old habits.

The good news is (and Trevor concurs) that after all this eating correctly, and smaller portions, when I have a little bit of crap, I feel like crap. When I eat a LOT of crap? Well. You can imagine.

So today I woke up and started fresh. Melon and cottage cheese for breakfast, Madras Lentils and chicken for lunch, strawberries as a snack. Dinner is undecided, but I'll be at my mom's, so the healthy option is always available. Now the sun is out, and the house is relatively clean, so I'm a happy girl.

Tomorrow is Easter dinner at the in-laws, which is always trouble for me. Snacks and good food galore. The good news is we haven't bought any candy yet...Peeps are my downfall. What Easter treat can't you resist?


****BIG NEWS! Pilates Napa Valley had a celebrity today, Cheryl Forberg of the Biggest Loser! This is HUGE for PNV, hopefully we'll be lifelong friends.

I can do this in my sleep!

Well I haven't posted recently, and mostly because I don't feel like I'm doing anything spectacular, and worth writing about.

But, apparently simply changing my diet and Pilates is working for me, because today I weighed myself....

211 lbs!

Oh yeah. That would be..mmmmm 15lbs lost since March 1? Chyeah dude. KILLING it. I didn't think I had lost that much, until after 4 shots of espresso this morning, and I magically lost 5lbs more. Oops. That makes a grand total of 35lbs since the baby was born.

Honestly, too: No cardio...I was going to, but then I came down with the sickness last week, and hardly had energy to nurse. Still had my appetite of course! I do try and make it to the dog park every week, with pumpkinhead in tow. But besides that, I mean, I really haven't been doing that much.

I start work next week, 4 hours in the morning. I need to reschedule my Pilates now, and I fear my only time will be 7-8am. Bah. Soooo early. But I'm sure as long as I continue my healthy eating habits, the weight will continue to slide off, especially as I exert myself more and more. I'm in sales, so I won't be sitting at my desk all day. And, the baby is getting more and more mobile every day. Soon I'll be chasing after her all day long!

But, I do need to add in some sort of sweaty cardio. Soon the baby will be big enough for a jogging stroller, so I can attempt to jog (or at least walk) around the block without having to navigate the cracks in the sidewalk. Any suggestion of the best brand to buy?


PS. I'm still blogging over on PilatesNapaValley.com. It's pretty cool! I met some people today who read the blog, THEN came into the studio. Check me out!

Damn you, Girl Scouts

I thought I had missed the Girl Scouts this year. My neighborhood is too shady for them to walk around, and I haven't been at work where parents can ambush the fat girl with cookie temptations.

But no. Trevor brought home not one, but FIVE boxes of cookies on Friday night. I stayed the night at my mom's on Saturday while he was gone almost solely to get myself away from the cookies. But, since I've been home today, I've easily had 12 cookies, splitting it up between the different flavors. At an average of 65 calories PER COOKIE, I took in 780 extra calories in sugar and carbohydrate. This coming from just a few days ago, eating bell peppers for my sweetness.

Blah. This is my problem, it is SO hard for me to maintain these new healthy eating habits. As much as I LOVE the food on Sonoma Diet, it's ingrained in me to just eat eat eat. While I've suppressed it so far this month, today was a cranky day: Trevor was gone twice this week...overnight in Hollywood last night, and back to work tonight. AND I read The Time Traveler's Wife, and absorbed her mood. Add all that on to my cabin fever, with only Delaney or the pets to talk to most of the time, and I've been in a serious funk today. It's a cut and dry case of using food to fix my loneliness.

Why do I sabotage myself like this? Days like this are when I nag and deliberately antagonize my boyfriend too. I should be taking my aggression and frustration out in a workout, but the TV's on, and Kirstie Alley weighs 12lbs more than me, so I'm just depressed and lackluster about everything. (Altho, here's an interesting article about why your weight fluctuates so much during the day.)

The good news is I've figured out how to get the baby to sleep thru most of the night...I woke up this morning with ridiculous energy...maybe the same this will happen tomorrow and I'll get up and jog. Wow, wouldn't that be productive. I have been regular with pilates, and did the dog park on Saturday. Today is just a anomaly. Back to the grind tomorrow.