Friday, April 16, 2010

That's "the rub".

As of today, I've officially passed the "seven day" mark at my new job, and even got my first paycheck. The difference between this and my previous position is a complete 180: dream hours, understanding employer, and confidence renewed.

The last is really a result of the previous two. I was hired in a position they WEREN'T hiring for, in an industry I've only known for a year and a half, without any recommendation from my previous employer (um, kinda "duh" on that one.) I got the job on my own, because I know what I'm talking about (and WHO I'm talking about)....something I had started to doubt in the last 6 months before maternity leave. I didn't feel appreciated, or respected. When you spend more awake time at a workplace than home, those things start to weigh on you and mess with your head.

But now, after incredible success with Pilates Napa Valley and the Sonoma Diet, and this new position, my faith in myself as a woman and participating member of society has flourished. I feel like ME again, albeit a bit larger, and definitely more "mommy" me than I was two years ago. I'm happy with who I see in the mirror, the progress I've made physically, and my ability to quickly turn a terrible situation into a great one.

The subject line mentioned "the rub" and here it is: Since going back to work this past week, baby D has had FAR more formula than she's used to... typically 3 bottles (or 12oz) in the morning, then the rest of her day on breast milk. This is messing with her tummy, and by the end of the night, she's cranky and crampy and crying in the most pathetic way possible. So even though I'm this SuperWoman by day, in the evenings I'm a stress-ball. I know going to work is good for me (and her, and Trevor, and our bank accounts) it's just so hard to see her suffer, and know if I was home, she wouldn't be AS gassy. She eats every two hours, so I'm just not able to pump that extra 12oz she needs.

This is a weight-loss blog, so here's the connection: I haven't done much in the sense of health this past week or so, and I forgive myself for it. As you can see, it's been a bit chaotic. But, that doesn't make my body feel any better. I have NO time or energy to make it up to the studio, I've gained 2lbs back, and am DEFINITELY not following Sonoma right now. With disability ending, I don't have the cash, and with work starting, I don't have the time to cook our meals like I was. Man, good thing I don't have a SERIOUS addiction, because I'm the queen of excuses.

That's fine. You On A Diet has this great anecdote comparing a weight-loss journey to a car drive with GPS... when you mess up, the nice lady tells you calmly, but firmly "take the next available U-turn". There's no chastising, no guilt, just a plain and simple message to fix it, and move on. I'm resolved to make that U-turn, but how? How do other new/working moms find the time to run the household, feed the baby, manage a career AND stay in shape?

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