185.8

Sooooo I think I'm going to finally take advantage of my nerd-hotness, and be a sexy school girl for Halloween this year, since my body will actually fit the "sexy" part.

Also, I need to lay outside and tan, cuz the tanning bed is leaving weird tan lines. Like under my butt, and on the sides of my boobs. I tried flipping over onto my stomach, but I felt like a rotisserie chicken.

I've lost about 10 inches all over my body since January 19th. Nothing special about that day, except it was the day I went to the mall and Boyfriend wanted to buy me jeans, and nothing would fit. Remember?

Well yeah. About a inch and a half from my hips alone. Woo!

I think this extra weight is also cuz I did weights the other day, when I normally just do cardio. So adding some unexpected muscle boosted the number on the scale. But whatever, I feel great today.

Breakfast: cottage cheese cup, and 1 vine tomato
lunch: Salad with 3oz chicken, another half tomato, 1tbsp of rasberry vinagrette dressing (40cal) and a sprinkle of chz. Feeling very very full. Okay, I've also had a couple gummy candies, but I'm really craving a cookie or something.

Maybe I'll buy some lowcal cookies to have in the house. We'll see.

186.2

Poop.

I had a kinda crappy weekend, I got cocky after my 184.4 on Saturday morning, and then ate WAY too much food on Saturday. We're talkin' SlimFast, Sweet Tomatoes, Taco Bell, AND beer. Then Sunday I don't remember much except for my pot roast I made. I didn't go to the gym Sat-Mon, finally got back on Tuesday.

I'm kinda unmotivated right now. I need to eat so many more vegtables, and its just so hard, planning meals for two.

Ugh. I meant to post more, but I guess I didn't have too much to say.

I'm still going to try to get into the 160s by May.

For richer or poorer, for smaller or fatter.

So, boyfriend and I were talking last night, and I was like, "baby, look how little my wrist is!"

He goes, "I know honey, it's crazy," then he's quiet for a moment.

"I'm worried you're going to get all little and hot, and someone's gonna take you away from me."

Ahh, now it all makes sense. This is kinda related to the argument we were having the other night. Thing is, he's got nothin to worry about. Boyfriend and I met one another when were were at our heaviests...I was like 210/220 when we first started hooking up. He's my best friend. No matter what size I am, or what size he is, I know that there's true love there.

Thing is, even when I was heavier, much heavier, I was still super cocky, and still got plenty of attention from guys. Sure, there were the rude compliments with guys saying they like a "bigger gal"...ugh. Those are the worst. I just have always had a whole lot of confidence, and guys are attracted to it. Everytime I'm hit on, I come home and tell Boyfriend how demeaning they were.

Sure, as I lose weight, there's probably going to be more guys coming after me, since now society will consider me "hot", because I'll be a more attractive size. But no Brad Pitt is gonna steal me away from my man.

It kinda sucks, cuz he's been my biggest supporter in me losing weight, telling me not to eat a cookie cuz I don't really want it, giving me shit if I don't go to the gym. He's so proud of me, everyday when I tell him a lower number. But as much as he supports me like that, if he's gonna go around thinking just cuz I lose weight I'm going to leave him, it's not supportive at all. I don't want that distrust in my relationship, you know? I want to be hot for me, and for him. Not for anyone else. (I've told him all this, btw)

I'm losing weight to feel better about myself, to be healthy. NOT to catch a men's underwear model. I've been confident and sexy all along, just in a big girl's body. My boyfriend has been there all along, and he's the one for me. Just because my body changes, doesn't mean my heart will.

184.8

So, I didn't go to the gym all weekend...well, Saturday or Sunday. Does Friday coulnt as the weekend? Cuz I went on Friday. But not on Thursday.

Chances are, I'm not going to go tonight. Oh, why you may ask? Oh, I don't know, because my boyfriend's flight back was changed to Orlando, 2.5hrs away, and I found out at about 845pm.

Yeah. Oh and as if that wasn't fun enough! I took Boyfriend's car, since it's engine is more reliable than mine, and his fucking right front tire blew out. In the middle of Nowherefucksville.

So I changed the tire, which took like 30 minutes, and possibly a sprained wrist, and still ended up getting to the airport only about 20min after he flew in. Then the next 2.5hrs took forever, since we weren't talking, get home about 3am, argue a little bit, and then have makeup/welcomehome sex.

So now I'm fucking exhausted, and have to work a full shift today, and I feel like I've got the worst hangover ever. Probably from all that adrenaline that started pumping when the tire blew out.


UGhhhhhhhhhhh I dont wanna go. I dont have anymore SlimFasts either. Fuckyamother. This sucks.