Friday, January 29, 2010


So, I only lost two pounds from 223, but that's after gaining weight the first week Trevor was gone. Then this week, I wasn't eating enough, and the baby became very upset with me.

This week is a big week for us, mommy/baby wise. Because I wasn't eating right, and she'd nurse for hours without being satiated, I gave her her first bottle of formula. Also, I started taking birth control again.

I'm stuck in this catch 22, I want to eat less because I'm fat, but I need to eat more to feed the baby and get my 500 calorie deficit per day. Now that I'm on birth control, I'm even more concerned about weight gain. Additionally, I need to go back to work here soon, which limits my time and further complexes the situation.

Luckily, Trevor got off the airplane determined to get back in shape. With him calling me on my fat kid tendencies, and me cooking healthful food for the both of us, this should be easy.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

More motivation

There's a mini family reunion happening in April, and all my cousins are outdoorsy, fit people. Some I haven't seen since I was 6-7 yrs old, and we're all on Facebook, so there's bound to be photos.

In other news, I ate like shit today.

1tbsp of garlic hummus w/ half a slice of naan bread
2 cups coffee
popcorn chicken and ocean water from Sonic (I did give half the chicken to AllieDog)
diet coke
spaghetti w/ meat sauce w/ cup of broccoli
sugar-free cocoa w/ milk

First of all, I doubt I hit a decent number of calories (and I know I'm not eating the 2700 nursing moms are supposed to eat.) Secondly, all crap, save that banana, broccoli and fresh spagetti sauce. Third, no wonder baby was awake and cranky all day. Hate to say it, but I should cut back on the caffeine. Today was an abnormally high day, but I had bills to pay and connections to make.

I need to get this weight off fast. In 06, I used diet, exercise, and HydroxyCut. Now that I'm nursing (and it was recalled from the market) I won't be using that crutch. Also, my body fat ratio is higher than it's ever been (I always had decent muscle tone regardless of weight), so if I start moving more, it SHOULD melt away, ala Biggest Loser, right?

Luckily, the rain has stopped, at least long enough for me to get the baby outside. I'm thinking a nice long walk thru the vineyards with the dogs and baby in a front pack tomorrow morning. Could I BE more of a Napa mom?

Sunday, January 24, 2010

fat MOM no more.

I bit the bullet today, and bought a new pair of jeans. Initially, I wasn't planning to until my maternity jeans were falling of of me, but I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror the other day, and I looked frumpy and tired and fat.

Okay, I am fat. I had to buy 16's today, which I haven't worn since fall of 05. At that point, they were my "skinny" jeans. Truth be told, I put on my freshly washed and dried mat jeans today, and they slid on easier than they have recently. (you know when they're tight, and you have to do some squats to get them on fully?)

I didn't weigh myself at the end of this week, as I've been dealing with a sick baby, and a leaky roof. But I did completely purge my fridge of all crap, so much so I sometimes wander through the kitchen hoping to find some old box of crackers I may have missed. I've been eating all fresh food, and nursing up a storm, which explains the easier fitting jeans. I haven't been able to walk as much as I've wanted, with the torrential downpours this past week.

Regardless of size, the new jeans with the dark wash (and the Spanks underneath them) makes me feel pretty again, something I haven't felt since I had the baby. I've felt motherly and dignified and mature, but not pretty. Feeling good about myself is my best motivator to continue any acts of self-improvement.