New Found Body Awareness

You know, I beat myself up about one day of craptacular eating, but I'm ignoring the big picture:

I look pretty damn good.

Really. For the better part of the last year, I watched everything on my grow. Boobs, belly, arms, butt. Everything ballooned (as is normal and natural in a pregnancy.) Combine that with my thankless job, and my self esteem absolutely plummeted. Questioning my attractiveness, my intelligence, my life choices.

But this past month has been amazing to getting me back where I should be. While my body weight is still a good 50lbs heavier than my end-of-year goal, the SHAPE of it is getting back to normal. I mean, I did drum corps for 5 years, but my legs have never looked better. Throw on some heels, and fake tanner, and these short legs look like they should be insured.

Okay, maybe not that good, but definitely the best I've ever seen them.

I truly mean it when I say it's the pilates that's doing this to me. I haven't been doing any cardio, or other muscle building...changing the diet would make me smaller, but not change the shape of things. My lower tummy is getting flatter, the muffin top is shrinking, and the back fat is almost gone. And like I said, I still have 50lbs to go!

Now I have a new job in sales, which reassured my confidence in my field. I have to be out and about selling printing, so personal appearance is priority, versus the super casual dress code of my previous position.

Tomorrow is my first day, and I have so many outfits that look fabulous, I don't know what to chose! The blue LC Lauren Conrad dress with pockets and pleats($12)? The purple and grey Elle flower empire waist dress with ruffles? The green BCBG dress with embroidery? Perhaps some grey slacks with a flowy top and my cropped biker jacket? Oh, the options are endless.

I NEED to add in cardio...I'm thinking about sucking it up, putting the dog on a leash, strapping a can of mace to my waist, and go running in the morning. It's just soooo dark out at 6:30am right now, and I don't live in the best of neighborhoods. But, the gangsters are in bed by dawn, right?

Who needs a solid milk-chocolate egg, anyway?

Ew. I ate FAR too much yesterday, as I always do at the in-law's for holidays. We stopped at SBUX on the way in, and split a breakfast sandwich, hoping that would curb my appetite....but no. Arrived to the usual spread of stuffed mushrooms, chicken-artichoke dip, and shrimp cocktail. Grazed, then ate dinner of ham, new potatoes, brussel sprouts and mashed turnip. Then strawberry-rhubarb crumble.

Oh, did I mention I made seven dozen oatmeal-chocolate cookies each the night before? Yeah...

How am I doing?

I woke up this morning feeling TERRIBLE. Dehydrated with heartburn worse than pregnancy, and my stretchy pants were suffocating me. But, it being the baby's first Easter (and my boyfriend's birthday) we were overloaded with candy. After a quick sort through the bounty, we threw most of it away:



Buh bye. We only kept a few pieces of Scottish candy that we only get once a year, and started eating fresh again this morning with Panera salads for brunch. I'm now sipping black coffee to kill the sugar racing through my blood stream, and am considering my diet for the next week or so. I'm thinking about going back on Wave 1 of the Sonoma Diet to get everything back on track. Who's with me?


crossposted on Pilates Napa Valley

Forgiving myself, in time for Easter.

So, I lost a bunch of weight, and Trevor won the Biggest Loser*** contest at work. He didn't take home $100K from Jello, but he grabbed $245 in winnings. Not too shabby!

However, since then I've kinda slipped. Just a tiny bit. KFC grilled chicken on Thursday for lunch, two macaron cookies from Bouchon Bakery on Thursday night, Panda Express for lunch yesterday (even tho I got the smaller "eat in" plate, and substituted veggies for chow mein), and then too much pasta last night for dinner. See? If I'm not careful, boom, right into old habits.

The good news is (and Trevor concurs) that after all this eating correctly, and smaller portions, when I have a little bit of crap, I feel like crap. When I eat a LOT of crap? Well. You can imagine.

So today I woke up and started fresh. Melon and cottage cheese for breakfast, Madras Lentils and chicken for lunch, strawberries as a snack. Dinner is undecided, but I'll be at my mom's, so the healthy option is always available. Now the sun is out, and the house is relatively clean, so I'm a happy girl.

Tomorrow is Easter dinner at the in-laws, which is always trouble for me. Snacks and good food galore. The good news is we haven't bought any candy yet...Peeps are my downfall. What Easter treat can't you resist?


****BIG NEWS! Pilates Napa Valley had a celebrity today, Cheryl Forberg of the Biggest Loser! This is HUGE for PNV, hopefully we'll be lifelong friends.

I can do this in my sleep!

Well I haven't posted recently, and mostly because I don't feel like I'm doing anything spectacular, and worth writing about.

But, apparently simply changing my diet and Pilates is working for me, because today I weighed myself....

211 lbs!

Oh yeah. That would be..mmmmm 15lbs lost since March 1? Chyeah dude. KILLING it. I didn't think I had lost that much, until after 4 shots of espresso this morning, and I magically lost 5lbs more. Oops. That makes a grand total of 35lbs since the baby was born.

Honestly, too: No cardio...I was going to, but then I came down with the sickness last week, and hardly had energy to nurse. Still had my appetite of course! I do try and make it to the dog park every week, with pumpkinhead in tow. But besides that, I mean, I really haven't been doing that much.

I start work next week, 4 hours in the morning. I need to reschedule my Pilates now, and I fear my only time will be 7-8am. Bah. Soooo early. But I'm sure as long as I continue my healthy eating habits, the weight will continue to slide off, especially as I exert myself more and more. I'm in sales, so I won't be sitting at my desk all day. And, the baby is getting more and more mobile every day. Soon I'll be chasing after her all day long!

But, I do need to add in some sort of sweaty cardio. Soon the baby will be big enough for a jogging stroller, so I can attempt to jog (or at least walk) around the block without having to navigate the cracks in the sidewalk. Any suggestion of the best brand to buy?


PS. I'm still blogging over on PilatesNapaValley.com. It's pretty cool! I met some people today who read the blog, THEN came into the studio. Check me out!

Damn you, Girl Scouts

I thought I had missed the Girl Scouts this year. My neighborhood is too shady for them to walk around, and I haven't been at work where parents can ambush the fat girl with cookie temptations.

But no. Trevor brought home not one, but FIVE boxes of cookies on Friday night. I stayed the night at my mom's on Saturday while he was gone almost solely to get myself away from the cookies. But, since I've been home today, I've easily had 12 cookies, splitting it up between the different flavors. At an average of 65 calories PER COOKIE, I took in 780 extra calories in sugar and carbohydrate. This coming from just a few days ago, eating bell peppers for my sweetness.

Blah. This is my problem, it is SO hard for me to maintain these new healthy eating habits. As much as I LOVE the food on Sonoma Diet, it's ingrained in me to just eat eat eat. While I've suppressed it so far this month, today was a cranky day: Trevor was gone twice this week...overnight in Hollywood last night, and back to work tonight. AND I read The Time Traveler's Wife, and absorbed her mood. Add all that on to my cabin fever, with only Delaney or the pets to talk to most of the time, and I've been in a serious funk today. It's a cut and dry case of using food to fix my loneliness.

Why do I sabotage myself like this? Days like this are when I nag and deliberately antagonize my boyfriend too. I should be taking my aggression and frustration out in a workout, but the TV's on, and Kirstie Alley weighs 12lbs more than me, so I'm just depressed and lackluster about everything. (Altho, here's an interesting article about why your weight fluctuates so much during the day.)

The good news is I've figured out how to get the baby to sleep thru most of the night...I woke up this morning with ridiculous energy...maybe the same this will happen tomorrow and I'll get up and jog. Wow, wouldn't that be productive. I have been regular with pilates, and did the dog park on Saturday. Today is just a anomaly. Back to the grind tomorrow.

Wave 1: One day left!

Oh my god. I would KILL for some Light Phish Food. Not even the full-fat one, just the lighter version. Or maybe even just a piece of dark chocolate. But I won't cave! Not until Tuesday, at least. These combined Pilates/Sonoma results are too good to cheat before the initial Wave is over.

This is not to say I feel deprived in any sort of way, I'm full off of less food, and its been SO tasty. Salmon, chicken, pork, steak. Spinach, bell pepper, garlic, broccoli. Pretty much all I've been eating, and I couldn't be happier. We went to SF the other day, and we ordered some fried zucchini with our chowder, but I was SO not into the breading. It's as if my taste buds have changed, which is most certainly not a bad thing. I feel sick even thinking about my "usual" from Jack in the Box.

But. I still want some damn Phish Food.

Measurements (compared to this entry on 2/21)
Weight: 218 (from 226 on 3/1)
Waist: 35.5 (from 37)
Arms: 15.5 (from 16)
Legs: 29.5 (from 30)
Hips: 48 (from 48.5)

Sonoma Diet: Halfway mark

So, I'm pretty sure the reason I'm losing weight on the Sonoma Diet is because of the amount of time spent preparing meals, and washing the dishes afterwords. That's my workout, really: burn enough calories before and after the meal to counter act what I actually eat.

Kidding aside, the meals and recipes provided are SO tasty, I don't feel the littlest bit deprived. I find myself feeling fuller before my smaller plate is even cleared, a huge step forward from my loaded plate+seconds habit. Tonight I ate out for the first time on the diet (shoutout to Norman Rose in Napa), and it was actually pretty easy! I got a chicken breast chop with white beans and wilted greens, and when it arrived, there was actually much less greens than I expected. No worry tho, I had the small chicken breast, picked out the greens from the beans, ate a few bites of beans for fiber, and stole a couple asparagus from my sister's plate. I left a huge bowl of beans left on the table and was 100% satisfied.

Full disclosure: I DID have 2 crostinis w/ crab artichoke dip on them. Two bites each. And then I DID have two bites of my [asparagus] sister's coconut creme pie. This, more of a "cheat" than the crab artichoke dip, since I'm in no sugar mode right now. I did have a Diet Coke too, which is maybe why I couldn't resist those couple sweet bites.

Again, this is leaps and bounds better than I would have been two weeks ago.

I had pilates again today, and I can already tell my abs are going to be sore tomorrow and the next day. After my first session, my inner thighs didn't start killing me until 3 days afterwards. So, I'm counteracting that by going 3x/wk, Mon, Weds, Fri. Then I don't give my body a chance to get sore and retensed. Yeah, I just made that word up. But you get the point.

Today I was 220, very exciting! We still have 6 days left on Wave 1, and I'm really looking forward to the results. I was 226 on March 1, so in a week I've lost 6 lbs. Not to shabby, hmm? Best progress I've made in the last two months, in the last year even!

Tomorrow is Trevor's day off, and I think we're going into San Francisco for some touristy fun with baby. Hills, while pushing a stroller? Couldn't hurt :)

Guest blogging, and more!

Okay guys, I know it's been a little quiet over here. Lets update, shall we?

- First, I really weigh 223. Well, I did 2 days ago, when I started the Sonoma Diet, and Pilates Napa Valley's 10-in-30 program. 10lbs, or 10in, in 30 days.

- I did pilates on Wednesday, and will continue to do it 3 days a week for the next month, and then the next 6 months. If I'm still into it 6 months down the road, my mom is going to train me to be an instructor!

- I haven't been as diligent with Jillian Michaels and my Last Chance Workout DVD. :(

- Sonoma Diet food is REALLY tasty! The black bean chicken wrap is DELISH, and is easily going to be one of my favorite things on this menu. Trevor even liked it!

- Speaking of Trevor, he did Jay Robb's 3-day Fruit Flush, and KILLED it. I did it last year, and was a total wimp. He didn't cheat, or whine even. He has a really healthy and manageable weight loss goal for himself, actually. It makes mine look far fetched and ridiculous. Once he's into it, he's actually a great inspiration on how to go about this weight loss thing. He doesn't even get on the scale every day!

-Finally, as you could have guessed from the title, I'm now guest blogging! To bring some attention to PNV's 10-in-30 program, I'll be blogging over there weekly, or more. While this blog keeps me mostly accountable, I really can't fake it over on that one. Too many people will see me in class, and those yoga pants don't leave much to the imagination. Check it out! www.pilatesnapavalley.com/blog

D-Day Approaches

March 1.

A normal day, nothing special. (Except it's the anniversary of when Yellowstone became the first National Park, the first FM radio station transmitted, Watergate scumbags were indicted, and Ke$ha was born.) Soon, however, Wikipedia will have an addition to their March 1events list:

Chelsea and Trevor's Weight Loss Adventure and Forever Lifestyle Change!

Okay, well it's a little wordy. But, so many things are coming together the week of March 1 to help CATWLAFLC that it deserves some fanfare.

1. OAK jetBlue employees start their own version of "Biggest Loser." This is the first thing that has really motivated Trevor to get back in shape, and with a $20 entry fee, and $5 penalties if you gain weight at the weekly weigh-ins, I don't blame him! I told him I'll gladly pay into some sort of "fat kid fund" at home if I ever gain weight too.

2. Pilates Napa Valley kicks off the March Madness promotion! For existing clients, 4 weeks UNLIMITED sessions for less than a month of 3x/wk. For new clients (or a certain lazy daughter of the owner), a lose 10lbs in 30days program. 3 days/wk for a month PLUS a free copy of the Sonoma Diet book. This too will be less than the standard 3x/wk month-long package. Details are coming, so don't quote me yet (but feel free to say I referred you when you call to book an appointment!) Mom and I are still ironing out the specifics, but I'll be starting my 10-in-30 regime on Wednesday, complete with the Sonoma diet.

Okay, now I know you're saying, "Wait a minute homeslice. How can it be a lifestyle change if you're going on a 'diet'?" Well, homeskillet, I have a very good answer for that. The Sonoma Diet is not so much a "only eat lettuce for 6 months" diet. It does start out with a 10day Phase One, where you're not to eat ANY sugar (including fruits) to rid yourself of a sweet tooth. After that, it just focuses on fresh foods. My mom lost 6lbs in her first 10 days! The meals are really tasty, and don't feel like "diet" food, because they're not really. It just teaches you to eat for health and flavor, all at the same time.

In addition to this renewed effort in health, I'm working on discovering happiness in my career choice. I'm starting some behind the scenes work for PNV, to start flexing my marketing muscles. It's the first step to ensuring my mental health is on the same level as my physical health, both of which I've been neglecting recently.

March 1, it is


Oh, PS? That Biggest Loser DVD is no joke. I sweat more this evening than I have in a year and a half. And I'm going on 40hrs of ZERO sleep at this point. Oh, motherhood.

Workout: Biggest Loser - Last Chance Workout

Well, I did it. I finally bought a fitness DVD. I almost didn't, because Trevor decided to make some jerk comment of "No, you won't actually do it." But I told him to shove it, and I put it in the cart. I'll admit, I have had some commitment problems to exercise in the last year. Big plans without follow through. But that's no excuse for him to be a douche about it. Anyway, if anything it angered and motivated me.

The Biggest Loser: Last Chance Workout DVD is really amazing, actually. I mean, today was my first time doing it, and I had to take a break between the warm up, and the main workout to nurse, but it quickly got my heartrate up, and sweat dripping.

Jillian leads the workout, with fan favorite contestants from 2009 and 2008 season. It has a warm up, cool down, and then three middle sections to alternate between. The "Last Chance Workout" (which has a different version every two weeks), a lower-body and a upper body focus section. It totals out to about 30min per day.

I only did the "Last Chance Workout" today, Week 1-2, and it kicked my ass. Using only hand weights and weight resistance, Jillian takes you thru 30 second intervals, trading off between cardio with muscle training, and muscle training with cardio. I really didn't expect my dinky 3lbs weights to do much, but I was definitely ready to put them down by the time the interval was over.

It's something I absolutely recommend. As I sit here and type, I can already feel the soreness kick in, which is the sign of a job well done.

I think I'm going to start Pilates at my mom's studio next week. She and I have some big plans, so stay tuned for those!

Little successes

Hmph. No weight loss, but I do have some shrinkage!

Waist : 2/11 = 38in, 2/21 = 37in
Bust : 2/11 = 44in, 2/21 = 42in
Arms : 2/11 = 16.5in, 2/21 = 16in
Hips : 2/11 = 49in, 2/21 = 48.5
Legs : 2/11 = 30.5in, 2/21 = 30

Its about 4.5 inches total. Not too bad considering I've done more toning exercises than get sweaty. Thats changing tomorrow morning tho, I have to satiate these running dreams, and release some tension.

Tomorrow, I will jog for 15min, then promptly die a slow and agonizing death on my front steps. Fun!

Tips and Tricks: Cutting Calories

There's a lot of books and articles out there about how to cut calories, and they range from valid and informational to completely insane. This is a short list of what I've found works for me:

I'm a classic overeater, and since living on my own, it's gotten worse. Trevor doesn't eat leftovers, and I feel like I'm wasting money if we don't eat the entire pot. So, I have two ways to combat this instinct.

Cut recipes in half. Most recipes are written for 4, so before you know it, the pan is empty and even a healthy recipe's calories have doubled.

Dish up leftovers first. If I make my lunch plate for the next day, and get it in the fridge before I even sit down to eat dinner, there won't be any food leftover for tempting seconds.

Another super easy thing to do is to use smaller plates. This works best with my nemesis, carbs. Cereal, rice, pasta, potatoes. All are easily overserved, and then overeaten. I know there are tips to eat almonds, or thing like FullBars before a meal to dissuade hunger, but I find I still eat the same amout of food regardless, ignoring my "full" feeling. It's best to use these mental tricks, personally.

I also frequently confuse boredom and thirst for hunger. This likely stems from afternoons alone after school, and trying to fill voids with food. So, I drink lots of water, in the form of coffee, tea, EmergenC, or Crystal Light. I also try to keep easy snacks like chips, and crackers (more carby goodness) out of the house, and actually make real meals when I think I'm hungry. Work for my food. If it seems like it's going to take too long, I'm not really hungry.

That said, I am a new mom, and sometimes even sauteeing chicken takes too long. So, I'm a big fan of bagged, one pot meals. Birds Eye Garlic Chicken is my favorite. But, again, my financial sense takes over, and I'll make the entire bag for myself, totalling close to 1000 calories for one meal. So, I only make half the bag. Again, then I'm eliminating any temptation to have additional portions, and as long as I wrap the remainder up tight, it's good in the freezer for a couple more days.

Finally, I can't get hungry during the day, or I ignore all these smart tips to avoid over consuming. So, small snacks that are full fiber, filling, and not calorie-dense help me immensely. FiberOne bars, and apples top the list.

Of course, the best trick is to actually make a lifestyle of implementing these, something that is clearly a challenge for me as I continue this lifelong battle over my inner fat kid. But as long as I never feel deprived, it's easy to do.



Also, here's a bonus fashion tidbit: my sister's breakdown of legwear definitions. Since I've been pregant, and actually since my mom opened Napa Valley Pilates, I've been a constant stretchy
-pants offender. I'm sure I'm not the only mommy who needs a reminder of what's socially acceptable.

Nowhere to go but down

If I'm being honest about my weight and body fat, why not my measurements too? At the very least, I won't have to search for a scribbled sticky note to see if I've made any progress.

As of 2/11:

Waist : 38in
Bust : 44in
Arms : 16.5in
Hips : 49in
Legs : 30.5in

I'm not sure what the "exact" measurement spots are, but I've always gone by the widest part. I've felt my clothes become looser, but no weight loss really. I know this is because I'm not doing a ton of fat-melting cardio, but instead getting my sweat on with muscle toning.

There's a couple DVDs that intrigue me, that promise to get my heart rate up and sweat dripping down, all in the comfort of my living room while the baby chatters in her swing. Once I get my refund check, I'm all over it.

Body fat shocker

I forgot to mention that I now know my body fat percentage. Well, within 5 points of it. It's embarrassing, and terribly high:

47%

Isn't that gross? I've always been muscular, and assumed my weight was more muscle mass, but apparently not. What did I expect really? I went to the gym and sweat maybe 15 times since August 08. The last time I ran was the day I found out I was pregnant!

Well, that's changing, and the only place that disgusting number can go is down. The healthy eating has continued, with an exception this evening with more pasta consumed than I should have had. Savory carbs really are my nemesis. Noodles mostly. But, it's been a long day of coddling my constipated and cranky baby, so I'd rather a little more pasta than the beer I was considering.

But I do have some good news! My new jeans are loose on me. I also notice it in my LuLuLemon pants that I've worn 5 out of 7 days during and after my pregnancy. I'm sure Trevor will be happy to see me rid of every pair of black stretchy pants. I'm not making any promises. :)

Mental Health Day

Or, really, my lack of it.

I'm extremely stressed and unhappy today. It's been a long long long 3 weeks, and even though baby and I just spent some time with Trevor in SLC, I'm back in an empty, torn up house, doing it all alone.. We still have until Friday, and as my mom puts it, I'm "in the bell jar."

Today is so much worse, as when Trevor agreed to go out to SLC, it was only supposed to be a couple days. We were supposed to be back and a family again. Baby hasn't slept peacefully in 48hrs, and when she does, its for 30-45min at best. She's gained weight so fast in the last week or so, and it's taking its toll on my back. I got out of bed today wanting to cry my because it hurts so bad.

Luckily, the baby is really the only thing that gets me happy.. Even when she cries (and I want to bawl right along with her) when she does smile at me, or laugh in her sleep, it makes this all worth while.

No matter how much I ask of her, baby will keep nursing even if my tits are empty. No matter how much I want her dad and my man back here, I'm not working at the moment, so a paycheck needs to come home. My physical health is the only thing I really do have control over these days.

Life in the hotel

Remember how excited that my man was coming home?

Well. He was, for like 3 days, before his company sent him off to Salt Lake City for reservation support for an undisclosed amount of time. Luckily, baby and I were able to go with him, and I took the time to continue eating right, and getting workouts in.

I've done the workout plan from last week everyday, substituting the hand weights for filled water bottles. Hey, you do what you can. I've also used baby for some tricep work, with kisses between every rep.

Now, I'm ready to join a gym. I'm going to use my massive Head Of Household tax refund to sign up for 6mo plans for Trevor and I. Unfortunately, there isn't a PFGym near us, which is where I lost all my weight in 2007. But, there is Ultimate Fitness, where I've gone on and off for the last 3 years. First, I had a free membership thru work, then I got a free membership for my birthday from my mom.

It's a big gym, with not many members. But it's clean, in a great area, and I know the equipment, and a few trainers. The only problem is occasionally running into my old employer, or previous high school classmates. This is more of an annoyance, really. With all this extra weight to lose, and baby waiting for me in the day care, I don't have time to chat.

But, then again, there's plenty of working out I can do outside a gym, as I've kicked my own ass this week. Maybe better to save my money, and join a gym when there's something to show off.

Work, work, work it out.

I found my skinny mommy workout! Truthfully, anybody can do it, but it's a series of full-body exercises, with a focus on the tummy area, from Fitness Magazine.

In general, FitnessMagazine.com has a new mom, new body section. It lists super foods for us with no time to ourselves: eggs, skirt steak, salmon, fiberlicious cereal, and spinach. Good news! All favorites.

The workout plan that won me over consists of exercises and muscle toning that I've previously done, and loved. Designed specifically to fit into baby's schedule, you can get the whole routine done on the floor of the baby's room while she sleeps. No equipment (save 3-5lbs hand weights if you want), no DVDs, no problem.

Of course, they have their testimonials, but it makes sense. Eat right, burn more calories than you take in (without NOT eating, as we learned last week), and build lean muscle, and you'll get the body you want. This just gives me a helping hand so I'm not just doing lunges all around the house.

I have my post-partum visit today, and then the work will begin this afternoon.


PS, I don't work for Fitness Magazine, nor do I subscribe to it. I found a wrinkled copy in the magazine rack at my mom's house. But, after reading it, I do like it, and think it puts a healthy focus on fitness and wellness, versus skinniness.

221

So, I only lost two pounds from 223, but that's after gaining weight the first week Trevor was gone. Then this week, I wasn't eating enough, and the baby became very upset with me.

This week is a big week for us, mommy/baby wise. Because I wasn't eating right, and she'd nurse for hours without being satiated, I gave her her first bottle of formula. Also, I started taking birth control again.

I'm stuck in this catch 22, I want to eat less because I'm fat, but I need to eat more to feed the baby and get my 500 calorie deficit per day. Now that I'm on birth control, I'm even more concerned about weight gain. Additionally, I need to go back to work here soon, which limits my time and further complexes the situation.

Luckily, Trevor got off the airplane determined to get back in shape. With him calling me on my fat kid tendencies, and me cooking healthful food for the both of us, this should be easy.

More motivation

There's a mini family reunion happening in April, and all my cousins are outdoorsy, fit people. Some I haven't seen since I was 6-7 yrs old, and we're all on Facebook, so there's bound to be photos.

In other news, I ate like shit today.

1tbsp of garlic hummus w/ half a slice of naan bread
2 cups coffee
banana
popcorn chicken and ocean water from Sonic (I did give half the chicken to AllieDog)
diet coke
spaghetti w/ meat sauce w/ cup of broccoli
sugar-free cocoa w/ milk

First of all, I doubt I hit a decent number of calories (and I know I'm not eating the 2700 nursing moms are supposed to eat.) Secondly, all crap, save that banana, broccoli and fresh spagetti sauce. Third, no wonder baby was awake and cranky all day. Hate to say it, but I should cut back on the caffeine. Today was an abnormally high day, but I had bills to pay and connections to make.

I need to get this weight off fast. In 06, I used diet, exercise, and HydroxyCut. Now that I'm nursing (and it was recalled from the market) I won't be using that crutch. Also, my body fat ratio is higher than it's ever been (I always had decent muscle tone regardless of weight), so if I start moving more, it SHOULD melt away, ala Biggest Loser, right?

Luckily, the rain has stopped, at least long enough for me to get the baby outside. I'm thinking a nice long walk thru the vineyards with the dogs and baby in a front pack tomorrow morning. Could I BE more of a Napa mom?

fat MOM no more.

I bit the bullet today, and bought a new pair of jeans. Initially, I wasn't planning to until my maternity jeans were falling of of me, but I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror the other day, and I looked frumpy and tired and fat.

Okay, I am fat. I had to buy 16's today, which I haven't worn since fall of 05. At that point, they were my "skinny" jeans. Truth be told, I put on my freshly washed and dried mat jeans today, and they slid on easier than they have recently. (you know when they're tight, and you have to do some squats to get them on fully?)

I didn't weigh myself at the end of this week, as I've been dealing with a sick baby, and a leaky roof. But I did completely purge my fridge of all crap, so much so I sometimes wander through the kitchen hoping to find some old box of crackers I may have missed. I've been eating all fresh food, and nursing up a storm, which explains the easier fitting jeans. I haven't been able to walk as much as I've wanted, with the torrential downpours this past week.

Regardless of size, the new jeans with the dark wash (and the Spanks underneath them) makes me feel pretty again, something I haven't felt since I had the baby. I've felt motherly and dignified and mature, but not pretty. Feeling good about myself is my best motivator to continue any acts of self-improvement.