Or, really, my lack of it.
I'm extremely stressed and unhappy today. It's been a long long long 3 weeks, and even though baby and I just spent some time with Trevor in SLC, I'm back in an empty, torn up house, doing it all alone.. We still have until Friday, and as my mom puts it, I'm "in the bell jar."
Today is so much worse, as when Trevor agreed to go out to SLC, it was only supposed to be a couple days. We were supposed to be back and a family again. Baby hasn't slept peacefully in 48hrs, and when she does, its for 30-45min at best. She's gained weight so fast in the last week or so, and it's taking its toll on my back. I got out of bed today wanting to cry my because it hurts so bad.
Luckily, the baby is really the only thing that gets me happy.. Even when she cries (and I want to bawl right along with her) when she does smile at me, or laugh in her sleep, it makes this all worth while.
No matter how much I ask of her, baby will keep nursing even if my tits are empty. No matter how much I want her dad and my man back here, I'm not working at the moment, so a paycheck needs to come home. My physical health is the only thing I really do have control over these days.