190.4

So, yesterday boyfriend and I went to the mall, and he was determined to buy me new jeans. However, whereever I went, 14s weren't fitting. In the bad way. Delia's jeans were able to get up over my butt, but I had some severe muffin topping. Not gonna lie.

The last two weeks I've kinda fallen back onto the fat wagon. I've had car issues, and I don't want to drive all the way up to my gym. True, I'll drive to and from work, and 20 min back and forth to visit boyfriend at work, but something about getting on the highway for ten minutes to get to the gym freaks me out a bit.

So, I've been using equipment we've got in the neighborhood...bike, treadmill, and the elipitcal, but not everyday, and not nearly as hard as I did at Planet Fitness. It's a small room with a huge mirror, and no TV or other fellow soon-to-be-skinny people. I have't GAINED weight, but I lost 10lbs two weeks ago, and haven't moved. I think it's really mental to get over that half a pound to get to the 180's, but yesterday simultaneously discouraged and motivated me.

Ten pounds is so much! My jeans are falling off of me! And yet, new 14s don't fit. I've been pretty disillusioned. I got so comfortable losing 10lbs in a month, with only 40 more to go, I got super cocky. The fact is I want to lose MORE that 50lbs. I do NOT want to have to buy 16s. No frickin' way. Nope nope nope. I want to be out of 14s for life. I want to be able to walk into EVERY store, and not have the excuses.
"they're not stretchy"
"they're slim fit"
"they don't cater to bigger sizes."

I will not buy my clothes out of a catalouge, or at JCPenny's. I want all those X's and L's out of my wardrobe.

Luckily, I have an extremely supportive boyfriend. He was so sweet, demanding I find some cute clothes that I'll be happy to wear. He still wants me to find a new pair of jeans, since I wear my poor tired AEjeans pretty much every day. Wants me to find some flirty skirts, tops, shorts, capris...he tells me everyday how beautiful I am, and I can only see it sometimes. He never really buys me normal stuff; we usually do clothes shopping alone. But he was so determined to see me smile, he was happy to swipe his card yesterday. He made me realize how stupid I'm being about hating the size my jeans say. The fact is, I need new ones. There's no arguing it. He doesn't care what size I am, the scale says I've lost weight, he can tell I've lost weight, there's no denying it. So freaking out over a number is wasted energy.

I've been posting my lowest weights, not what they say everyday. Time for me to be completely completely honest with myself. It's not going to go down every single day. It SHOULD, but there's going to be some bad days.

So here's me restarting. Again. And maybe another trip to the mall here soon.

Much love and luck to Ms. Reno, Banana's Momma, and Sarah (hah, you don't have an internet alias, my love.) You guys keep me honest. Most of the time, haha.

NikeTown 5K

I'm going to run a 5k!

It's a NikeTown Run for Kids, and it's in Miami. All entrance fees go straight to local schools around here, for their PE programs. Pretty awesome, huh? Well Boyfriend's job allows him free entry into this. Soooo we're going to do it.

A few months ago, Boyfriend said he wanted to run a 5K by his birthday (in early April). We both used to run alot, short distances, but pretty much every day, and we've fallen off the wagon a bit. It's easy not to run when there's not 64 other people running around you. [Drum corps reference, sorry for the uninformed.]

Soooo I kinda suck at running tho. I have bad knees and I really can't get motivated to do it. So it should be interesting doing 3.1mi because I chose to. Also, running alongside Boyfriend, cuz he doesn't even want to go to the gym with me, so this should be fun.

From now on, on top of my 25min on the bike, and 30min on the eliptical, I'm going to add in running one mile, consecutively, until it gets easier and I can add more. No walking half of it, then running a half mile, nope. I've got a month to get in shape for this, and it's not like it's a marathon or anything.

In other related news, I'm back down to the weight I was before I got all sick and poopy.Well, I guess I wasn't too poopy, since none of that was happenin' for me. Anyway, 180's here I come.

baby got [less] back

Soooo ten pounds. What does that mean really?

Means a new pair of jeans for me soon, that's for sure. Take a look at these next two pictures. (Pardon, they're all of my ass.)


This was Christmas, after gorging myself on my family's food, and Boyfriend's family's even better food. Not one spare inch in those jeans.


This is from about, oh, ten minutes ago. Same pair of jeans, PLENTY of room. Seriously. Thisclose to a 12.

I'm not going anywhere near my scale for a WEEK.

Ah, I was so close, and then something has to happen. I got to 190, something I haven't been since this summer, and then I get the flu, and everything is all backed up, and there's extra poundage sitting on me that simply won't come out.

A friend said it's the lack of water and lack of exercise that's stopping me up, but whatever it is, it's frustrating. Just when I start to see some serious progress something has to happen.

I know it's only been a couple days, but I just feel so unmotivated. I worked out this morning, and was completely drenched in sweat, which was nice, but I get home, and I see a number I haven't in a while. I'm not counting it too seriously, because I am, quite literally, full of shit.

I'm heading over to the gym for a second go-around of the day. I'm the type of person that gets discouraged pretty easily. Luckily, my eating habits are still okay...had a huge salad at work today.

Tonights dinner: grilled sirloin, scalloped potatoes, and lots and lots of asparagus for me. I know the potatoes aren't THAT great for me, but it's all about portion control, and I've only had about 400calories total so far today.

Despite my personal plumbing issues, my shrinking body has encouraged other women at work to come work out with me. Looks like we're going to have quite the little group at Planet Fitness. I should find out about referal specials... Either way, they're keeping me going. I hardly see my boyfriend anymore, and when I do, it's dark and we're in bed. I can't wait for our Valentines/anniversary date so I can absolutely blow his mind with how incredible I look.

In other news, Anna Nicole Smith died today. As we all know, she was the TrimSpa spokes model. The creater of Atkins died a few years ago of congestive heart failure. Makes good ol' diet and exercise a bit more likeable than quick-fixes, eh? My HyrdoxyCut ran out, I don't think I'm going to replace it.

190.6

That is all :)

SuperBowl!!!

So, I've been really good recently. Today, after cleaning the house and work, I got on the scale all dressed for our football get-together. 192.nothing with jeans and everything. Prrrretty awesome, considering my stuff usually weighs 4-5lbs.

I didn't eat all day, to make up for the beer and other football food today. So I should be okay. Took my Hydroxycut today just for the extra help.

Happy football!

191.4

Why is it that when I feel yuckiest, I weigh my lowest? Ohswell!

Gym later this afternoon after work. Plenty of time to get done what I need without worrying about getting somewhere on time.

back on track.

I've been stalling since Friday...we went to Disney and I ate okay, but obviously didn't get to the gym. I worked out in our gym on Monday, did nothing yesterday (but work), and finally today I got back up to Planet Fitness.

I've refocused my exercise plan. Still doing 50min of cardio or more a day (at the gym, that is. Doesn't include all the running around at work, or any sex.) But I found this awesome Top Ten list to get an awesome booty. I love mine, it just could be downsized. As I told someone the other day, more J.Lo, less Jabba.

10 Best Booty Exercises

Also, I need to work on my arms. It was sad to take a bunch of cute pictures in Disney with the Boyfriend, only to see them later, and realize in one picture, my arm looks the size of his face. Not so hot. Again, my problem is how much muscle I have in there. I want to tone, not bulk. I haven't done any weight lifting in my arm area, because I really don't want them to get bigger. I'm doing all my cardio, and getting my heartrate up to burn fat all over, but it doesn't seem to be coming from there just yet. I found this website which shows a few tricep exercises, complete with pictures. I'll have to try to work some light weights in.

I'm sore today, and it feels amazing. I almost want to go to the gym for a second time today, but we'll see. I haven't hit that 190 mark yet, because of my laziness the past few days. But now I'm back again :)


Also, it's nice to see other's blogging about weight-loss. A little internet support group :)

RIP Sean Holton 1966-2007

A very good friend died today. While I wasn't his closest friend, he was always there to make me, and everyone else who knew him, smile.

A few weeks ago, he had gastric bypass surgery, in hopes of leading a healthier life.

Today he died, and when I first heard, I didn't know what to say. I was sad, but not crying. But after thinking about it more, I'm devastated. He was a man who never hurt anyone, supported the music community, was loved by anyone who ever crossed his path, and was trying to better himself.

The anonymous poster who suggested, "give it up fatty" will be sorely disappointed, as now I even have even more motivation to get myself healthy. Unfortunately, there's a point where the body gives up, and I'm never going to let it get to that point.

RIP Sean.
You'll always be loved and remembered.
♥

In response...

There's been some questioning of my actual weight, and where it might be coming from. Here's some background:

I've always been heavy, but I've always been well-proportioned. Even when I was my heaviest at 220, nothing was bigger than anything else. I definitely have a ghetto booty, haha, but it's not enormous. I've never had a gut either, like most fat girls get.


I've just always been active. Whether it was soccer, band, or drum corps, I might have been bigger, but I was always able to keep up with everyone. There's a whole lot of muscle on me.

So that explains it. Sorta, I guess. I'm not hiding some huge lower body with creative MySpace angles. I'm sitting here telling the world I'm 192lbs, for jeez.

Here's a picture of me this summer:


and finally, this Christmas, snowboarding in Tahoe, with extra layers of clothes on:


I'm definitely 192, but I definitely don't look it, which is why I'm not afraid to throw that number out there. I'm just the poster child for "thick" girls. Not fat, not jiggly, just thick. So if I look like this when the scale says I'm heavy, just imagine what it will be like when the scale says I'm normal. I'm definitely not giving up. I have an excellent support system, and incredible results so far. I'm actually enjoying myself.

192 point ZERO

Holy crap.

I don't feel like I've been eating the best the last few days, and I've been sporadic at the gym. Last night I made pot roast, and had a few cookies that day at work. Today I've had Special K, oranges and cottage cheese and a cup of chicken noodle soup at work.

Come home, feeling icky and fat and definitely not motivated to go to they gym at all.....get on the scale thinking, "if it's high, its the motivation I need to go the gym."

196.somethin with work clothes on.

192.nothin nakie.

Hollllly crap. I think I can definitely make it to 190 by the end of the week.

HOW many calories?

Okay, so normally on the eliptical at PF, I burn 350-380cal in 30 min...480-520cal in 40minutes (all on level 16/25)

I just did 30 minutes on the eliptical in the gym in the poolhouse at my complex, and it's a totally different machine. I did level 9 (out of 16)....and it said I burned 800 something calories.

Uhhhhh okay?


I mean, if so, sweet. But it kinda seems ridiculous to me.

193.4

Down a pound and a half!!! (That's -4.4lbs this week.) Came off a little slower than I hoped, because of that nut binge I mentioned in the last post, and I skipped a day at the gym yesterday because I worked an extra shift. I was just exhausted, and thought I shouldn't push it.

Trevor bought us a exercise ball, and it came with a little booklet of stuff to do. It's fun! So I'll fit some of that into my routine, probably at night just for some stretching and such.

My goal doesn't seem nearly as impossible anymore, as I'm getting closer to the 190 mark. I'll be stoked to be back in the 180's like I was all summer. But once I'm below that? Ooh boy. This girl's gonna be bangin'.

i'm going nuts.

No, really. My mom sent me a care package, and it had two bags of pistachios in it from Trader Joe's, and pistachios are my favorite. So, yesterday, all I ate was pistachios. Lots of them, not going to lie.

And then I go over to my friend's house, and we order Italian food, and I had pasta.

So today I feel bloated and dehydrated and just generally yucky. I haven't been doing this too long, but its amazing how non-healthy food really just makes you feel like crap. It was hard to wake up, I'm really exhausted today, etc etc.

I might be going to the South Florida Fair later, and that will definitely be a challenge. But I can't keep having cheat days, especially one right after another. Then I'll fall off, and all this weight I've worked so hard for will come right back on.

I did go to the gym yesterday, and as I was doing ab stuff, my right side stared hurting, right below my rib. I know I strained it about a week ago, and so I've been staying away from working that out, just to let it rest. But when I did side bends yesterday, it definitely wasn't better. I hope it's just a pulled muscle and not something more serious. My friend at work thought she pulled a muscle in her shoulder, and instead it was a popped rib! That would definitely not be fun.

I'm back into my normal eating habits today, which makes me feel better. Slim fast shake and a banana for breakfast. I'll have a big salad after work today...or maybe before work. And then come home and make veggies and chicken for dinner...and then go to the fair completely full and fed for the day so I'm not tempted by corndogs and funnel cake.

I need to get all that care package food out of my house. Or, atleast out of my bedroom, haha.

194.6

This is ridiculous. It's the middle of the day, I haven't pooped yet, and I haven't been to the gym since yesterday. I feel all bloated and crampy, and I got on the scale fully clothed just for laughs.

It said 197.2. Fully clothed. I was like, "are you kidding me?" No really, I said that out-loud, to nobody.

So I stripped down, jumped on, and I'm at 194.6. My scale said "-2.2" because it's amazing and digital like that.

That makes my weightloss since Sunday 3.2lbs. That's amazing for me. Now, I'm officially below the weight I was before Christmas. This weight coming off is all new, no more yoyo-ing.

I like this. :)

196.8!!!

Okay, so the post where I said 197lbs, it was really like 197.6.

So now I'm at 196.8, a pound away from my pre-Christmas weight. Once I get there, I'll feel better about losing the rest, since I won't be playing catch up.

I suck. I weigh myself everyday.

I did the stairmaster for the first time today, and it was ridiiiiculous. 10 mins, 37 floors, and more sweat than I've ever seen pour off my body. It was amazing.

eating out blues

Ugh, yesterday was hard. Neither of us wanted to cook, so we went to Friday's for dinner. Normally, I get whatever the heck I want to, and eat everything on my plate. Usually nothing fried or too fatty, cuz I'm not really into that. But, for instance, that last two times we've gone, I've had their Jack Daniel's roasted pork. Holy crap. So good. But, I'm not going to lose 50lbs eating that shit.

So, I looked at the menu a really really long time before I could come up with what I wanted. Unfortunately, I was already craving pork. I make excellent pork chops, and I suggested that to my boyfriend. So I kept flipping back to my roasted pork, since I know how good it is, and it was pretty much exactly what I wanted. I didn't eat much yesterday before dinner, and I was starving. Mahi mahi wasn't going to cut it for me.

Suddenly, I remembered something I read. Steak is okay. As long as it's not really fatty, like a nice sirloin. So I got that, with a double side of steamed broccoli (which took up half my plate. Bonus points for me.) But then, my boyfriend betrays me, and gets my roasted pork. So the whole meal, I have to eat my bland broccoli and only half of my steak (more bonus points for me) while his tender roasted pork, in a bed on mashed potatoes and broccoli and onion strings is sitting there tempting me.

I allowed myself one bite, just to taste it. No potatoes or delectably crispy onions on the bite, just all meat. And I tell you it was absolute heaven.

My problem with dieting or "eating better" is that boyfriend and I are such foodies. We love Top Chef, we've named ourselves Adopted Italians, we love going out to new restuarants and trying different things. Also, I've pretty much never deprived myself of any food I ever wanted. I had enough of that when I was young, so as soon as I was able to buy my own stuff, I got whatever whet my appetite. Which, is why I'm in this position I am now, writing a blog about trying to lose 50lbs.

Luckily, the restaurant I work in now has a 55ft salad bar. Of course, we also have soups and pastas and ice cream and muffins and baked potatoes and chilis...... which is why I gained 10lbs when I first started working there. But, if I stay away from that stuff, I'll be okay.So, to eat today, I've had a SlimFast shake, a banana, a small salad as a snack before we opened, and a big salad for lunch (boyfriend had a craving for our balsamic vinegrette). Not gonna lie, I came upstairs and searched my drawer for some Christmas candy. Luckily, either God or Boyfriend removed the leftovers (I know I had some left...) and I instead sat down and wrote this entry about how much eating right sucks.

I only lost one pound in the last week, which makes my total a whopping 3lbs since I started this. I know, I said I wouldn't care too much, since my diet has been wacky this week, but still... :( Don't they say you lose tons of weight right off the bat and then it plateaus? Don't worry. This only makes me want to make even better changes to my diet and exercise. I'm competing with myself here, and I always want to win. So, I'll suck it up, and whine here, and eat like a rabbit.

But I'll be a skinny little rabbit.

197

That is all :)

she's a maniac

Thats what I was thinking as I started my cardio regimine today. I did 20 min on the eliptical BACKWARDS, because 40min forward is way too easy at this point. So that equalled about a mile and a half. Then, I ran a mile and a half, non-stop. I started running again three days ago, and holy crap it was hard. The eliptical has been my only cardio since I started Planted Fitness in November, and now it's a breeze. So getting back onto the treadmill is very important. I jiggle way more on the treadmill tho, a bit higher impact than the gliding of the eliptical. But it's okay. Everytime my foot hits the floor and I shake a little, I think that it's helping my fat burn faster since it's getting a little extra movement, haha.

I have a friend at work who trained a Olymic weight lifter. He's kinda my trainer-from-afar. Since I'm just focusing on cardio (some light weights, mainly in my ab/hip area) I don't really need a personal trainer right there with me. But he's the one who told me to switch directions on the eliptical. He also wants me running 2.5miles a day, since I can do 2mi straight. But it just wasn't happening for me today...the backwards killed me.

Like I said, I started running again three days ago, and it's really been hard. I'm trying to figure out how best to diet, and the first two days of the workout change, it wasn't working for me. I had migranes all day at work, and I was cranky. When I got home, I ate way too much, and pretty much voided any calories burned earlier in the day.

Today, however, I feel much better. Trev brought home some bananas, and I had that as my breakfast. I'm about to have another and one of my Optima shakes. I'm keeping the calories pretty minimal right now because I know we're going to Chili's later tonight. I've also had a bottle of water with me where-ever I go, which is nice. When I'm hungry, I just have a big swig of water. My biggest issue is staying hydrated at work. Since we get so busy, I never really have a chance to drink anything, and when I do, it's a short sip and back to work. This isn't the manager's fault, they encourage us to drink whenever we can. It's just I don't want anyone to jump on my tables while I'm hydrating. I've got today and tomorrow off to figure out how I want to balance this dieting, and then on Sunday try it out at work. If I'm getting migranes again, I'll have to edit it again.

A friend recommended a good dieting cookbook called "Cooking Light." It has a ton of recipes, and each one has all the nutritional information at the bottom of the page. I knew my mom was sending me a cookbook to give to Trevor, and turns out that's the one. He made me meatloaf last night, but realized at the end of the meal that I'm going to eat whatever he makes me, so he should probably be making more nutritious meals. It's good for him too. He's not getting crazy like I am about weight loss, but he is concious about it as well.

Tomorrow's my big day, see how much a week did for me. I'll take whatever the number is with a grain of salt, since this week has kinda been figuring out what works best for me. I figure I need to lose 5-7lbs a month to reach my goal, and I don't think that's too hard to do.

Thanks again for everyone's support, and I'll talk to you tomorrow.

edit: tomorrow's saturday. Sunday is my day for checking in. My weekends are Friday/Saturday versus Saturday/Sunday, so I get all messed up :)

the dreaded scale

Obviously, unlike most women, I'm not afraid to say what my actual weight is. I've come to terms with the fact that it's higher than other girls my size, because of my muscle. So, I'm not afraid to put a scale on here. Over in the corner is a scale I manipulated in photoshop. Every week when I do my "official" weigh in ("official" because my daily or more-than-daily trips to the scale are only superficial) I'll let you guy know, of course, and then that little red dial will start moving left. Downward ho!