Sunday, February 8, 2009

What the hell?

Here I am, two years after doing this whole weight loss thing, 5 months after being down to 164 (summer of drum corps) and I'm at 194 again.

And, the worst part? after I weighed myself, I went and ate three slices of cold pizza, plus some hot chocolate.

What am I doing to myself? The rest of my life is going so, so well. My relationship is great, my job is great, and we're getting ready to start a new life together in a new house. So why am I sabotaging myself?

Ugh, I feel disgusting. I'm not happy with how I look, how I feel in the morning... and right now, after the healthy dinner of chicken and green beans, plus those 3 cold slices, and the hot chocolate, I don't feel "full."

Yeah, that's right, I feel disgusting, but not full. I know I could eat the other two pieces of pizza left, and not throw up. At least, not involuntarily throw u

I need to make a change in my life, right now. I've been saying this since Jan 1, but I just, well, haven't.

This next week, I have to pack, and I have to work out. Those are my only priorities. Trevor is going to be gone all week, so I have no excuse to laze around in bed. I'll wake up early to work out, and pack into the night. No big, I can do it. Sure, AllieDog is going to suffer a bit, but if I take her over to the park while I run, she might be happier.

This is it, this is totally it. I need to figure out how not to do this anymore. How to maintain a healthy weight for me, without constantly feeling like I'm depriving myself, so that it's easy for me.

New house, new lifestyle, new me.


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