230

230 is what my scale said a couple days ago, before the New Year weekend. Ew, gross. Can't really blame anything but myself…despite best efforts, I haven't made it to the gym more than twice since the half-marathon. A month ago I finished 13.1 miles, and today I feel more icky than ever, rather than motivated and empowered.

I read a blog post of a Biggest Loser contestant from the last season I watched, and she too has fallen off the momentum wagon. Shay Sorrells opened up on her Tumblr about the 7 things she did wrong to gain all the weight back, and yep, I'm committed every sin.

So, I've started tracking calories again, and boy was I in for a surprise. That roasted turkey sandwich on whole wheat from Arby's today? Almost 900 CALORIES. Jesus. With half my curly fries, and half an order of jalepeno poppers (no secret there that the latter two items are officially off my eatable-list), lunch totaled out to 1392 CALORIES.

Are you kidding me? With my respectable oatmeal breakfast and pistachio snack, by lunchtime I was already 400 calories OVER my 1400 goal.

So, I made a salad with chicken for dinner that rounded things out with less than 400 calories - still ending the day with 800 more calories than allotted.

Source: forthesakeofpretty.tumblr.com via Chelsea on Pinterest

Hoo boy. Guess I've got some work to do.

Be My Escape - Reliant K

This song got me through a tough run today - I'm sure it's about a break up, being lonely, and generally pathetic, certain passages resounded with me as I struggled to finish a mere mile and a half. I'm so over this fat girl!!

You = gym. House = fat body. Get it?

I’ve given up on giving up slowly, I’m blending in so
You won’t even know me apart from this whole world that shares my fate
This one last bullet you mention is my one last shot at redemption
because I know to live you must give your life away

And I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me

And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.

I’m giving up on doing this alone now
Cause I’ve failed and I’m ready to be shown how
He’s told me the way and I’m trying to get there
And this life sentence that I’m serving
I admit that I’m every bit deserving
But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair

Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me

And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I gotta get outta here
Cause I’m afraid that this complacency is something I can’t shake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.

I am a hostage to my own humanity
Self detained and forced to live in this mess I’ve made
And all I’m asking is for You to do what You can with me
But I can’t ask You to give what You already gave

Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while you hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I’ve gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I’ve gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging
You to be my escape.

Source: berryhealthy.tumblr.com via Chelsea on Pinterest

224

I was texting with a fellow fat kid today when I asked her, "How do we quit this?" (paraphrasing here, my phone is in the other room)

This chick figured it out. My turn.

Source: forahealthyandhappylife.tumblr.com via Chelsea on Pinterest

227

I'm not exactly sure what's happened over the past year, but I've gained 15 icky pounds. I've been happy, I've been busy, but I've been eating like crap.

This time around, this is for me. No posting links to the blog on Facebook, or discussing weight-loss tips with others. This is for me, and me alone. It's been 2yrs since my daughter was born, and I've left a trail of half-assed beginnings to lose this hefty version of myself. Notes about goals, calorie counts, and weight progressions litter my house, social media and cell phone, but they all total up to zero. Nothing. Nada. Zip. (Or, not-zip, as the case may be with a certain pair of jeans I was so excited about a few posts ago).

Source: susanruns.com via Jenn on Pinterest

I've taken on work challenges, financial challenges, personal challenges this year. Those hurdles are in the dust behind me, easy when I took a "no excuses" mentality. The last and final hurdle to my eternal happiness is me. More about health and strength than scale numbers, but they all go hand in hand. I'm tired, I'm weak and dissatisfied with my general performance as a living, breathing human being. All my other responsibilities are handled exceptionally - I'm a great mom, great wife(y), great employee, etc. Time to be a Great ME.

The numbers:
My BMR is 1830
Calories needed to maintain weight is 2500
Calorie goal per day is 1800, which mean I should lose one pound every 5 days.

Okay? Okay. Over this fat bullshit.

1/1/11

How exciting! This normally boring Tuesday has been elevated by a amusing arrangement of dates.

However, I look for motivation where ever I go, and decided today is as good as any to restart blogging!

The last two weeks(ish) I've been going to the gym, 3-5 times a week. I officially joined on the 27th, and haven't looked back!

I'm not doing any weight lifting just yet, focusing on cardio burn:

- 20min of walk/running between 3.5 and 5MPH, at 4.5-6% incline.

- 10min on the eliptical/stair climber machine. By Precor? Has yellow toes? KILLER. something like 11 calories per minute burned, on level one, without entering my weight. Love it!

So, I'm going to start taking, and posting pictures of my workout summaries, mostly so I remember to put them into my calorie tracker on my phone. Eating too.

OH! I've also stopped drinking soda (as of yesterday). While I'm a strict Diet Coker, I found out yesterday that carbonation block fat burn. NOT GOOD!

1/11/11. First day of the rest of my life!

Reality.

This was me in 2008 at 165lbs:


This is me, two years and a baby later at 212:



Not terrible, not awesome, just the truth. Great reminder to where I'm headed.

PS: Not sure why my face looks so glow-y and photoshopped in the bottom picture, or why there's ghost bubbles all around me.

Reality.

Hey, I got some new [jeans] on...

..and suddenly everything was right!

Yep. Size 14s. Still the national average size, since we're an obese country.... but I digress. At least I'm no longer ABOVE the average!

I finally broke down, and [my mom] bought a pair for me from Kohl's. Totally cute Levi's, bootcut, dark wash, with some nailheads on the butt. They're the slightest bit tight in the waist, which is only a constant reminder to choose snacks carefully.

More importantly, seeing my butt look cute again is such an enormous ego boost. I've been wearing the same pair of saggy 16's for MONTHS now, and fell out of love with jeans entirely. This is pretty huge, being that I'm a diehard jeans and sweater girl. But now, having jeans that fit and look AMAZING (and a new collection of adorable cardis for the top), I feel like I'm back. 14 or no, I look GOOD, and it's just another step on the way back to size 8. Only 3 sizes to go!

BTW, my Thinner Winner team WON 5th place. And their scale was way off of what mine has said the whole time. Soooo just a tad disappointing. But, whatevs. At least we didn't lose. Hey, think about it this way: I GAINED a new pair of jeans! eh?